Feelings About My Documentary Film

For introduction: I'm currently directing my 2nd short documentary film. I have huge amount of roles there: director, screenwriter, editor, performer and art director. Currently we're in post-production and the cut version (not sure what the correct word is in English) should be finished next week. The name of the film is Looking Beyond the Shadows and it tells a story about healing from serious depression.

So, currently my feelings about the movie are really contradictory. Obviously it's a very important, personal film and subject to me. And thanks to my talented group everything has gone well and the material is good, so I have a very good feeling about the film.

The best thing now about editing my new documentary is that I have lots of good material. A typical problem for editors is that there's no enough usable material.

The biggest issue I have editing this is that I'm just so stupidly tired watching my own face and listening myself speaking. xD Now I understand why my wife Chris sometimes says "Can you just shut up for a moment, please?" xD But yeah, it's not because I wouldn't be comfortable with my voice or looks, but because I've been watching/listening myself in total something like 50 hours already. I notice I have some really annoying manners I didn't even know about before. (Also I should have shaved my arm pits.)

Considering that it's been soon a year since I started to work with this film, and that I ended up taking so (too) many roles in it, it's quite understandable that I'm getting tired with the film. I'm sure this is what most filmmakers experience with their projects, but it seems to be a little bit of a tabu to say it aloud. After all, the film is the maker's baby, and a parent supposedly can't talk badly about their child. The film is like a child that you love so much but sometimes you just wish you could get a holiday from it because it can also be extremely annoying. I'm sure that especially screenwriters, producers and directors must experience it a lot because the processes for them is the longest.

Though this film is super dear to me, now I just want it to be finished soon and move to a next project! :)

I took some photos of my gemstones yesterday. Here's one and its name is Labradorite.

Letters of My Life: B is for Books

I love to read, yet I’m slow with it thanks to the ADD. It takes me about 6-12 months to read a book no matter how interesting it is to me. Also I have many books in process at the same time. Currently I’m reading a book about positive psychology, Douglas Coupland’s Jpod, Daniel Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence and Tony Dunderfelt’s Intuition.


Like you can see, I prefer non-fiction books more than fiction. Which is a little bit contradictory for someone who is a fiction writer. Or is it? Anyhow, I’m just so much more interested about non-fiction. It inspires me with my own work so much more than fiction. Even though I love fiction too, but for me it’s more of a way of spending time. Non-fiction helps you to learn new things more actively.


Especially books about psychology related things and occultism are my favorites. I used to read lots of poetry, but lately I haven’t been so much into it. My favorite fiction writer so far has been Douglas Coupland. He has the greatest sense of black and ironic humor!

Seagulls

Every night this same time (4am) a gang of seagulls arrives to hang around at the neighborhood. They make lots of noise. And they fight. And about 4:30-45am they are gone to 'hoods more far away. This is the first year this happens here. There's not even a lake or sea very close here.

But they just hang around. So may it be.

Letters of My Life: A is for ADD

I've had ADD (which is like ADHD, but without the H of hyperactivity) all my life, however I got diagnosed only about half year ago, at age of 25. Getting the diagnosis felt extremely weird but at the same time it helped me to understand many things. Also the medicine has increased my ability to concentrate. Which has been a huge deal for me, especially when it comes to studies. I can handle the uncomfortable social situations when I'm supposed to listen but can't concentrate at all. Because I'm so used to them. But at studies it's double as uncomfortable when you can't concentrate no matter how hard you tried.

For a person with AD(H)D it's not a matter of will or amount of interest to the subject but a neurological inability to concentrate, and it can't be effected with willpower.

Letters of My Life: The Start

Related to my latest post, I decided to keep my blog updated little bit more often by starting with the classic idea "letters of my life".

Bad stubborn blogger

The thing that makes me a bad blogger is that I seem to wait always the subject that is "bigger than life". And while waiting for it or thinking how to form my thoughts to text, I usually get frustrated. While spending today lots of time reading the blogs of other people, I realize that even the smallest every-day things can be interesting. And even the idea of interesting is strongly a matter of opinion.

These simple thoughts have taken so long for me to realize - or maybe I realized them, but was just too stubborn to accept them. Stubborn. My wife often calls me that way and I know she's right, even if I didn't always admit it aloud. ;)