Postcards I've sent / Part 1

Salut, everbody!

Here's just a few examples of postcards I've sent to other people around the World. :)

To China

To Romania

To Romania

To USA

To Ukraine

To Austria

To Netherlands

To Belarus

To USA

To Belarus

To Ukraine

To Russia

To Ukraine

To Belarus

To Mexico

To Russia

To Australia

To Germany

To USA

To Germany

To China

Peek into My Postcard Album / Part 2

So, I've got some new cool postcards and will today share again some of them with you. I earlier introduced you to my album of postcards. Guess what? It's now full and I started a new album! Yay! :)

Here are first some last pics of the old album

Theme: Colors

Theme: Colors

Theme: Colors

Theme: Graphic

And then to the new album

Theme: Opening/The Bear

Theme: Stare

Theme: Cure cats

Theme: Beautiful Romania

Theme: B&W around the world

Theme: Random

Theme: Animals

Theme: Surreal flower and fruit paintings

Theme: Surreal Shoes / Painting

What You're Allowed to Talk in Facebook and What You're Not + Something About Finnish Social Culture

I read today a Finnish article about "unpublished research" that says, that Facebook makes people narcissistic because "they write 'too much' about themselves in FB" and because "they tell so much good things about their life and their personality".

At first. Narcissistic personality disorder is a serious mental disorder that you don't just suddenly get because you used Facebook. It's something that you grow to be since early childhood. Using the term has become a dangerous fashion phenomena - it's a term for everyone one considers as an asshole. Everybody who doesn't please you is narcissistic.

--If you want to read only the FB subject, skip this part until the subheading--

The real experts of psychology and psychiatry define healthy self-esteem somewhat like this: "A person who is able to recognize their good sides, know them and appreciate them. They recognize their not-so-good sides too, but they don't worry those sides too much, but instead accepts them as part of who they are. They know nobody is perfect, and don't try to be either." The description could be continued much more.

However, in Finland there's a strong culture, that if you are a happy person with healthy self-esteem and enjoy your life, you are not allowed to show it public, because those who are not happy or satisfied with their lives (which seems to be most of Finnish people), will feel envy. In a case you were a happy and satisfied to your life, you must pretend you're not, otherwise you're a selfish person. Saying aloud things like "I'm happy about my life" or "I'm talented at writing" are something that you're just not allowed to say in Finland. Instead it's acceptable and even almost recommended to count publicly all the bad things about your life or say "I'm so bad writer, I will never success in my dreams", even if you weren't bad in anybody's opinion.

I know how many of you not-Finnish readers must feel or react to this. It's absurd that the society encourages people to insecurity instead of courage. Then they wonder why so many teenagers, adults and even way too many 60+ people make suicides. We're never teach to appreciate the things we do have. I had to go to therapist twice a week for 9 years and actually _learn_ how to be happy about myself and my life, and appreciate the things I have. And when I finally did gain healthy self-esteem, the society started to push me to go back to my bad self-esteem, because my happiness and self-confidence was found arrogant and selfish. Thankfully, part of healthy self-esteem is to not let those things effect to your self-esteem. :)

But this atmosphere of insecurity is the main reason why I find some other cultures much more easy to relate to. Those cultures where smiling to strangers doesn't make you a freak or an asshole, but a normal nice person. Where you can kiss even new acquaintances on a cheek without getting a charge of sexual harassment. Where you can say aloud "I'm so happy today because my life is going well, as I have the greatest friends and family, and I believe in myself and my future" without being counted as a selfish peron, or "Hey, I like you, you're an interesting person and even though we don't know well, I feel this connection to you and would like to know you better" without being counted as trying to hit on the person you tell this. I really miss this side about Mexico.

Back to the original subject

Well, this wasn't exactly what I was originally planning to write this much about. xD What I was planning to write about was how usual it has become that people think they have the right to say what other people are allowed to write in Facebook. This concerns all people, not only Finns.

Many people say that it's not ok to talk about your children or pets in FB because they hate children or pets. Some people say that you're not allowed to write about any little things about your everyday life because they find it useless and boring. For example, "I can't wait to the thing I ordered to come to my post office, I'm so excited!" Other people instead say that you're not allowed to write anything deep ("Today I remembered what really is important in the life. I feel so happy.") or speak out about current things happening in the world, for example lately the Pussy Riot situation.

It amazes me how people seriously think they have the right to limit what someone says. Imagine this in real world. Matt and Mary go for a coffee together.
MATT: How are you?
MARY: Well, not too well, I had to take my dog to vet yesterday because...
MATT: Stop!! You're not allowed to talk about pets! Change the subject!
MARY: Well, otherwise mostly I've been at home with Jack. He goes back to day care center next...
MATT: You're not allowed to talk about your child!! I don't like it! You must talk about something I want you to talk about.

If there's someone whose things you don't want to read about, then why the f**k do you have them as a FB friend? If you can't tolerate anything outside your personal interests, then you have serious issues. I personally dislike baby subjects, but it would never come to my mind to go to say to a mother that she's not allowed to talk about her child. No matter how much I disliked children, it doesn't give me the right to deny her from telling about the most important little person of her life. What kind of asshole would I be, huh? The world doesn't go around mine or anybody else's belly button.

So, if you dislike their subjects, delete the person. It's just that simple. I've had three times the situation, that I found my FB friend to be really strongly racist and homophobe. I know I could never feel that kind of a person as a friend in my real life, so why to keep them in FB, as their comments bother me? I simply deleted them. Two of them were sending me hateful private messages after that, but it just made me more sure about them. Why would an openly homophobic person want to "sincerely" be friends with me, a lesbian? And why would I want to have such person allowed to read my profile? I wouldn't tell those people about my life IRL either, why would I allow them to read my profile?

That example is of course quite different as someone who just doesn't like "deep thoughts" or babies. But still, ask it: if you really feel bothered by somebody's interests and life, why do you want to be FB friends with them? Would you be friend with this person IRL? Instead of whining to them and trying to control their freedom of speech, just delete them and the problem is solved. I'm sure it'll be a win-win situation for both of you.

Letters of My Life: F goes for Friendships

The most important thing in my life: Friends. ^_^ I'm the kind of person who comes easily along with 98% of all people. However, I choose the actual friends really carefully. Mostly it happens unconscious, by intuition. I see and feel quite soon after meeting, if this person could be the kind of person who I could have as a friend. It's pure intuition, but it works almost always.

The reason it's easy for me to come along with all kinds of people is that I don't have the need to make that much of a noise about myself in new groups. I'm the person who is usually aside, watching and reacting, enjoying situations through listening. My participation as an introvert is very "silent", if you based your opinion of me only to your hearing sense. Also, the more distant I find people, the less I talk in the group situations.

On the other hand the distance is good, as it helps to come along with people. On the other hand, those who like their friends loud and extroverted rarely feel any connection to me. I'm just some "mysterious" person who's always there, but who they probably find difficult to approach. I assume. Though sometimes there are seasons I feel it'd be nice to make friends more easily, in the end I find this way to be better. To me it's not about the amount, but the quality. Like they say. ;)

Like I mentioned, the more distant I feel the other people and their subjects of conversation, the more silent I am. On the other hand, if I end up to a group that my intuition finds weirdly close, I might be actually completely different - way more talkative. However, it's obviously not that simple, as each group has also those who represent the opposite feeling. For example, it sometimes makes me sad that in otherwise distant group there is a person or two who I get the vibes of "closeness", but as to me it's the whole group atmosphere that effects to my talkativeness, I once in a while have this feeling that something important is slipping away. In groups where I feel more connection, the one or few distant people don't make any difference. If you read my earlier post about introverts and extroverts, you know already that it's not about shyness. However, I don't quite have the perfect word to describe how the group atmosphere effects. Like the group was either some kind of a cliff or a bridge between me and the other person. I hope you know what I mean. If not, then, no can do. x)

Though all my friends are a bunch of completely different kind of people with almost nothing in common, after thinking about it a lot I've noticed there's still some mental and social attributes I can find from most of my friends.

• Very strong open-mindedness. I have many attributes that are different from the masses - in goods and bads -  and many people seem to find it easily uncomfortable, though it wouldn't need to be.
• Somehow all my closest friends seem to have extremely strong sense of nurturing and caring about people and other animals. Also they're extremely sensitive. I love sensitive people, who still are confident about their sensitiveness instead of considering it as a weakness.
• My friends are also very contemplative. At least most of them - if not all - spend huge amount of time by thinking about the world and their own life, wanting to become conscious and learn more about the world.  At times this increases less or more mental pain in them, but at the same time it makes them very strong people who all have their personal way of life without caring too much what the society demands from them.
• Notable part of my friends are geeks way or another, whether it's about video games, books, or something else. Not all, though.

Those are the things that come on my mind now. There must be more, though. I was planning to write also about what kind of friend I am to my friends. However, my hand hurts because I've been nerding around all day. ;) Besides, I don't think that would be much interesting. If you disagree, mention about it in the comments, please. Or if you're my friend, feel free to describe me. It'd be super interesting and fun. I can take criticism too, mwahaha. ;) But write it with a name or a nick I can recognize you from, because I don't take any anonymous trolling.

Letters of My Life: E goes for Eclectic

To me being eclectic (Pagan) means a lot. There are millions of examples about how religious groups abuse their power to harm or manipulate their members. Most of the times the member doesn't even realize it. Though it's easiest to find the examples from Christianity and Islam, that thing actually happens in every religion that has a group and a leader of some sort. Also in Pagan religious groups and even among Atheism (yes, they form their own groups too).

I find many Pagan paths as fitting for me. However, many of the groups seem to have some of their own "narrow rules" that are actually created by the members or leaders of the group. It's very typical that if you think outside the box, the group will try to repeal your right to different kind of believing.

I was never the kind of person who was willing to do what others wanted to decide for me. The older I grew, the more aware I became about the little things people do when they try to effect another with their own believes. However, the more somebody tried to brainwash me, the more sure I became that I don't want to belong to any group religion. Actually, I'm pretty much against any organized religiousness. Not saying it was nothing but pure evil - of course it's not - but it's a fact that it's too easy for certain kind of people to little by little use the religion as a tool of manipulation. Religion (or lack of it) is meant to be a personal choice of an individual, and nobody else has a right to try to bend one's faith towards their own faith.

The fact is that there wouldn't even be such religion that I could completely agree with and at the same time forget all other spiritual paths. Therefore Eclectic Paganism is perfect to me. But just as important is the freedom that comes from the lack of authority. I never liked to be tied to anything I haven't personally chosen. In all areas of my life, nobody has the right to tell me "This is how you must do it" or "This is the only correct way" if I personally don't agree with it.

This is my altar last Autumn.

Don't get me wrong. I do love to hang around with other Pagans and to have deep conversations about spirituality with them. Actually, those are one of the conversations I really enjoy the most. I can also do it with any other religious or Atheist person. Once we had "a philosophical evening" - me, a Christian and an Atheist. It was extremely interesting and I'd be the happiest person if I could have similar evening again. When we made it clear in the start that all our ways of lives must be respected no matter how different, we had the most interesting conversations and gentle, respectful arguments.

However, the problem comes at the moment when I notice that somebody seriously tries to bend me towards her own, different believes that I disagree with. It's a sign of disrespect to me. I can honestly say I have never tried to brainwash anybody towards my own religion, and I expect the same from everybody else. I have never, ever gone to tell anyone that they should believe the same things I do. It's not my job, nor their priest's or their community's job. It's their personal thing and so shall it be. There are actually only 5 people in this world who even know what things I really believe in.

This however doesn't mean I wouldn't sometimes mock or joke about certain other religious groups. I must be honest about it, I'm not a saint either. It's a cruel fact that I honestly dislike and disrespect certain kinds of people in certain religions, and I see no reason to accept them. Why? At first, I'm against all violence. A group that is known for their violent behavior by an excuse of their religion can't be just coldly accepted. No child should get raped because the religious community silently accepts it. The second thing is that certain groups happen to continuously and in organized ways try to brainwash me and other people. And I despise that as much as I despite murderers. It's where the hippie in me sets the line between "peace/disrespect".

So, to make a summary. Eclecticism is not only my form of spirituality, but a lifestyle in all areas of life. In the politics, in my everyday life, in every personal choice I make. To me it represents extreme freedom, though it demands lots of courage to say no even at the situations when it fights against the norms of the society or a group.

Letters of My Life: D goes for Dysmelia

Just a random dysmelia hand.

I was going to have my D for Dreams, but as I have completely own blog for my dreams, I decided to have the D for Dysmelia.

Dysmelia is a rare congenital disorder referring to the limbs. I have it, and it often gains attention by new people I meet. The thing that people notice first is the fact I don't have left arm at all. About 20-30% people pay also attention to the fact that I don't have an elbow. Making it impossible for me to bend my arm from the parts that require the elbow moving. But extremely rare people notice that I have malformations also in my fingers. My thumb has one muscle less than typical people. Obviously it doesn't show outside unless you're a professional of the subject. Also the bones of my little finger and ring finger are connected much earlier than normally they would, making it impossible for me to move my ring finger without my little finger moving too, and vice versa.

There are many forms of dysmelia. It can be missing a limb, like in my case. It could be any other limb too, or parts of limbs. Another form is malformation of limbs, which can show in even more variety. Like I described my elbow and fingers. The third form is polymelia, "too many limbs". Which I don't have. Could be useful, though.

The person with dysmelia has these things since (s)he's born. Every year 60-80 children in Finland are born with dysmelia. It's caused by something going wrong during the pregnancy. Therefore somebody losing a limb because of an accident doesn't have dysmelia. That's completely another thing though it'd look outside the same.

So, what can cause a woman to have a child with dysmelia? One thing is that it can be caused by inheritance of abnormal genes. Dysmelia can also be caused by use of teratogenic drugs like alcohol or many medicines during pregnancy. Environmental chemicals and ionizing radiation are known to cause dysmelia as well as infections and metabolic imbalance during pregnancy. In my case the doctors have told that the most probable reason I got dysmelia is that my mom had an overdosis of the vitamin A. She used to eat lots of liver, because back then doctors didn't know the risks and therefore didn't warn about it. Nowadays pregnant women are told to avoid eating liver during pregnancy.

Dysmelia has many different levels of severity. Those effect to the fact how much special needs the child (and adult) has. It could be anything from only one malfunction of a toe to missing all the legs and hands. However, dysmelia itself effects only to the physical body and doesn't effect to any mental attributes like intelligence. Of course, if the mother has for example been influenced by radiation, it's possible for the child to have dysmelia and some other syndrome that effects the mental attributes. But it's not a rule.

When I was born in 1986, the old fashioned doctors told my mother that I would never even learn to walk. Though I had perfectly normal legs. Back those times people with dysmelia alike to mine would have been just institutionalized. My mother as a nurse of course didn't see any logic in the doctor's claim, and raised me as I was a normal child who just had to learn new ways of making certain things. And I'm extremely happy, because I grew up to be just as independent as those who didn't have dysmelia. Nowadays I don't even remember it unless somebody makes a comment of it.

And in the end I want to tell something to the parents of a dysmelia child: never underestimate the physical capability of your child. Instead courage him to learn to do things by himself. There are always ways, they just needs to be found. For example, I shave my armpit with my toes. Yes, exactly. Pretty cool, and I bet almost nobody with two arms could do that. ;)  Worst thing you can do to your child is to make him identify himself as a handicap. Always search for the positive sides and your child will grow up as an independent self-confident person.

The Main Ingredients on a Path of Inner Growth

[This writing is connected to my latest post C is for Consciousness.]

The main ingredients you need on every path of inner growth:

1. Have patience towards yourself. No inner change happens in one night. Most of them take years. Also have patience towards those around you who might find your inner change too slow and don't understand that those things won't happen at the same second you decide you want to change. Decision is only the first step, and actually the easiest one. But nobody else can decide your rhythm but yourself. Rush can even ruin it all.
2. Be honest to yourself. Even with the things you didn't want or like to admit about yourself. Nobody said it was supposed to be easy or fun. It never is. Until the good result comes - and it's always worth the struggle!
3. Love yourself. Most of personal problems come from some sort of hole in self esteem, which comes from inability to sincerely love yourself. And we talk about the caring kind of love that a mother would feel towards her child, or a best friend towards her best friend. Not "oh I'm so pretty with my red hair"-superficial love.
4. Accept failure. There comes times when you take many steps backwards. But the failure is permanent only if you give up. Accept the steps backward, breathe, eat an ice cream, and continue again towards your goal.

Letters of My Life: C is for Consciousness

Consciousness. The word which can be understood in so many ways. To me the most important meaning for this word is consciousness about what's going on in my own mind. However, without excluding any other meanings of Consciousness, whether it was spiritual, social, rational, or any other.

Consciousness of my own mind has played an extremely important role in my life. Most of that hasn't been nice. Actually at worst it can be even haunting and horrible to become conscious about certain things of yourself, especially the darkest sides. (Yes, everybody without exceptions has them, it's all about being aware of them.) As I used to go to therapy for years and though the few first years were horrible (yet extremely self-educating), I became kinda addicted to keep myself conscious about all the things that goes inside my mind - liked them or not.

To give you an example: When I started to realize in the start of my relationship with Chris that I was an extremely (unhealthy) jealous person, it was really hard for me to accept. Who'd want to admit something like "I'm sickly jealous person who makes my girlfriend feel bad and untrustworthy - and I must stop, instead of putting pressure on her"? Denying it was an easy and more pleasant way at starting. But as I became more and more "the jealous girlfriend monster", I realized our relationship was at stake if I didn't figure out what's the thing causing my jealousy and work hard to change it.

It was extremely difficult for me to deal with it especially because my greatest vice is Pride. It's not easy for me to admit I'm wrong even if it was obvious that I was. However, my personal Pride was less important  than my love for Chris. So I kicked my ass. Hard. I found out that behind of my jealousy there was my great lack of trust towards all people in general, therefore including Chris. And the lack of trust towards other people was actually deeply connected with my lack of trusting to myself.

Well, it's a long story about how I managed it, but it took about a year of active conscious self-searching and concrete practice when I was finally free. Yes, I use the word free because only after I sincerely stopped feeling jealous, I realized how much I had wasted energy on pessimistic and passive-aggressive way of thinking. The quality of my life got way better, and the happiness has increased x10.

Though I won't spend hours writing about how I did it, I can tell that in the end all the things I learned can be crystallized in these sentences: "I have no rational reasons to doubt her loyalty. And if she'd still end up cheating me, it'd be her loss, as it'd just reveal me that I was too good for her. Then, I'd only be free to continue searching for someone much better."

It takes a lot to learn to really believe in sentences like that, if you used to be a person who didn't trust really anyone. Knowing that isn't enough, but you honestly have to believe in it too. Otherwise it could at worst become only a tool you use to blackmail your partners, and inside you'd be just as dark, anxious and insecure as always before.

Sometimes we still talk with Chris about how I used to be, and we've both been so happy about my change. It's difficult to believe that I really used to be like that. Like it was someone else. Sometimes I even feel a little bit weird about the fact that nowadays I feel no jealousy at all. Like. Never. Swear it through my own life. Always remember: the fact is, that in the end the greatest thing that drives a lover to cheat is the lack of trust by their other half. Being jealous is like pushing your loved one away.

That was only one example of the hundreds times when my will of being self-conscious has helped me. Such succesfull experiences when repeated, make you easily kinda addicted for consciousness. It's a long lasting drug-alike euphoric feeling, when you finally beat the monster that was haunting you for years - or even your whole life - until that beautiful day when you realize that you're free.

My TOP 8 favorite tv-series

Family Guy

Oh, what shameless sense of humor they have! And I love it from the bottom of my dirty mind! Though I’m a great hater of poop-humor, even I can forgive those moments because I absolutely love the black and inappropriate humor this series is filled with. Not to mention the astonishing character gallery.

Friends

Friends is a classic, and not without a good reason. The series works in all ways: relatable and funny characters, and simple but working stories. Simple can easily become boring, but in the case of Friends it definitely isn’t. In my opinion, the greatest sparkle in this series is Phoebe. She can be all: crazy, lovable, freaky and silly all at the same time, and I find her to be the most relatable character of Friends. Every free spirit can find a small phoebe in them.

The Simpsons

Simpsons, the stereotypical US family, which has entertained audience with witty and sometimes even very dark humor since the series started. Though I don’t like too much the first two seasons (I think they were overly careful with the humor back then), this is one of the greatest cartoons I think exists. And it seems to get better season by season.

Criminal Minds

The 2nd best serial killer series imo is Criminal Minds. The stories they have are exciting, though not always too scary. This is definitely a series for people who want to watch something intelligent. Criminal Minds have some great wisdom hidden in there, and it’s always a pleasure to find it. They may lack a little bit in the depth of some of the main characters, though few are definitely interesting ones. But the main interests in this series are the stories that are never dull.

Modern Family

This is a series that I believe is impossible for anyone not to relate to. All the characters are so different, but in some way embody the most common stereotypes of modern families. They were definitely not afraid of using stereotypes in ironic way – I’m sure some people find it insulting, but those who don’t have such a stick in their asses can find great amusement from the talented way they use stereotypes without being too predictable.

Modern Family just continues making you laugh, although some episodes are funnier than others. The relationships with the family members are strong with their own conflicts, and  the conflicts between family members indeed is the thing that makes this series just so easy to relate to. When we watch this with my wife, we often laugh and comment “That’s just like you/me!”

True Blood

This imho is a very underestimated tv-series. I remember the first two episodes I saw weren’t that interesting, but I still continued watching it. And whoooom! When we overcome some of the boring drama between Sookie and Bill, the series becomes extremely interesting.

The main issue of this series is the fact that the main character Sookie is extremely boring, while 90% of the other character gallery is very interesting with huge variety. Probably the screenwriters have noticed this, as the longer the series continues, the less we see Sookie and start concentrating on the more interesting characters.

The greatest part of this series is that during seasons it just becomes better and better. Like we know, it’s extremely unusual with tv-series. What at first used to seem like a Romeo and Juliet –story between a vampire and a human, becomes a series with lots of unpredictable suspense and even horror. The character variety increases and it soon stops being a pure vampire series.

However, a person who dislikes fantasy or/and is shy about seeing any kind of sexuality in tv will probably never understand the brutal beauty of True Blood.

Wire in the Blood

Where to start? This series is Genius!! Definitely not a typical tv-series. This is a serial killer series for all lovers of psychology and psychiatry. These about 1,5hours long episodes don’t have a single moment of boredom. Actually, if you take your eyes and ears off the tv for a minute, you’ll most probably drop out from the extremely intensive and suspense story. Wire in the Blood has the kind of psychological depth I’ve never seen in any other series, and therefore it also asks more from the audience than most series.

Game of Thrones

I remember the day my wife told me that I must watch Game of Thrones. I was suspicious, but did it basically because I had to see what she was so excited about. After the first 30 minutes, I was totally hooked and couldn’t wait for the next episode.

I haven’t read the books, and probably won’t. So I’ll talk about the series only.

What attracts me the most in Game of Thrones, is the variety of well-made characters and great casting. Almost all of them have their virtues and vices, and often the vice becomes greater than the virtue, which makes the characters extremely interesting. Their lives are led by their vices, though they have the idea of being in control of themselves.

Not only the characters are excellently deep in this series, but also there seems to be a perfect amount and tempo with the conflicts, and little by little most of them reveal their true selves, which mostly aren’t too graceful. But still most of them are easy to relate to as even their vices have an understandable background story.

This series doesn’t have even a minute of dullness, as the audience is dragged deeper and deeper in the story all the way. And during the breaks between the episodes you can notice some withdrawal symptoms as you can’t stop thinking what will happen next.